TOEICの事なら!Best Value for Your Money! English Cabin

すぐ役に立つ、すごく役に立つ天白川のそばの TOEIC 対策専門寺子屋

【English Cabin】TOEIC 対策専門寺子屋


お問い合わせはこちらから TEL:052-804-9117

Essay Writing の思考プロセス 第2回


今回の Topic は、英検1級2013年第2回の問題です。


1.   Topic  


     Should minors who commit serious crimes receive the same punishment as adults? 


Body の部分を構成する3つの Paragraph の Main Idea は、

第1 Paragraph 未成年の重大犯罪者の更生に必要なのは、矯正教育であり重罰ではない

第2 Paragraph 今日の高齢化社会においては、未成年犯罪者を速やかに更生させ労働力として活用すべき

第3 Paragraph そもそも、未成年の重大犯罪を防ぐには、重罰ではなく貧困対策が必要


2. Sample


     In my opinion, minors who commit serious crimes need not receive the same punishment as adults because we should give them chances to become part of our community again. 


       To begin with, not punishment but schooling, together with mental health education, is what minors who commit serious crimes need most.  They are expected to return to society as citizens after they complete their imprisonment.  Being immature, they might end up with criminal acts, but being young also means they are more resilient than adults.  In this regard, many years of prison life could have negative effect on them.


     In addition, in today’s aging society, we need as many young workforces as possible to support social welfare systems.  Rather than having minors who committed crimes confined in prison, which costs us substantial amount of money, we should make the most of the possibilities that they will become vital part of the communities as hard workers if they are given chances.  In so doing, we could secure both public safety and vigorous labor force. 


  Finally, in order to prevent minors from becoming criminals, instead of imposing the same punishment as adults, government should pay more attention to policies intended to reduce economic inequalities, especially among young people.  It is often said that poverty is the root cause of crimes.  If we could reduce economic inequalities to the point where every minor can live a decent life, crime rates among minors should naturally decrease. 


     In conclusion, it is true that severe punish have a certain preventive effect on crimes.  However, because of the three reasons I mentioned above, I don’t think that minors who commit serious crimes should receive the same punishment as adults.  


To be continued.